Sound familiar? A fellow writer accepts a publishing contract and earns a tidy advance. Is picked for a celebrity book club. Wins a major award. Gets a movie deal. Scores hundreds of glowing reviews on their book without begging for a single one. I’m happy for them, of course. But small as it may seem, I also admit to feeling more than a tiny bit…jealous.

Oh, the thorns of envy. Why does it plague us so?

Writers (and likely other artists as well) tend to measure their own success against the yardstick of what others have accomplished. With social media available 24/7 we can’t help but see each announcement as another loose thread in the fragile fabric of our self-esteem. If our work doesn’t measure up, why are we doing it?

Once upon a time, a spark ignited the desire to put words on paper; to tell a story and communicate ideas. After a writer pours countless hours and mega-angst into writing, it’s only natural to send the result out into the world for others to read. Who knew such a simple act would turn into a competition?

Yet truth be told, if we drill deep into the emotion of jealousy, we find it usually doesn’t surface because we want our fellow authors to fail. It exists because we want to experience the same success.

Aha! That puts a whole new spin on envy and provides a road map to get over it.

How?

To achieve a goal, consider where there may be shortcomings, and take concrete steps to improve. Does your writing need to be strengthened? Take a class or workshop. Need support? Join a writer’s group. Want to win contests? Enter them-often. Unsure how to sell your work? Learn about effective marketing.

Develop a plan and then start to measure yourself a new way. Not by your friend’s accomplishments, but by your own.

Last year you published a story. This year you published two. Congratulations!

For the first time you placed in a writing contest. Woo-hoo!

You successfully completed a writing class. You are awesome!

Keep a record of your “wins” posted by the computer. You may be surprised to realize how far you’ve come.

When you stop to think about it, perhaps creative jealousy isn’t such a bad thing after all. It’s a kick in the pants to do better, something we all can use from time to time.

And don’t be afraid to employ levity when dealing with how you feel.

Anne Lamott wrote a chapter titled “Jealousy” in her classic book on writing, Bird by Bird; describing it as an occupational hazard for writers. “…if you continue to write, you are probably going to have to deal with it, because some wonderful, dazzling successes are going to happen for some of the most awful, angry, undeserving writers you know-people who are, in other words, not you.”

Anne decided to focus her energy on her own writing: “So I wrote about trying to pay closer attention to the world, about taking things less seriously, moving more slowly, stepping outside more often. Eventually what I was writing got funnier and compassion broke through…”

When dealing with jealousy, it’s important to find solutions, but just as vital to keep your sense of humor. Both will serve you well in this tough, hard-scrabble business we love-and sometimes love to hate.

I’m not sure about you, but I feel oddly comforted. Solutions are so much more productive than clicking the “Unfollow” button. 🙂

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Pat Wahler is the author of On a City Street, Book 1 of the Becker Family series; Western Fictioneers’ Book of the Year, I am Mrs. Jesse James; and Let Your Heart Be Light: A Celebration of Christmas. She is also co-author of a picture book, Midnight the One-Eyed Cat.